Christians who lived in the first century were well aware of the practice of disciplining children. They had experienced such discipline firsthand: “We have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect” (Hebrews 12:9). A number of references in Proverbs serve as a background to this New Testament instruction (Proverbs 3:11–12; 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13–14). Proverbs 29:15 points out the value of both verbal and corporal discipline: “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
I make no claim to be an expert in child discipline. I am a son, son-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, father, father-in-law, and grandfather. Along life’s way, I have learned a number of things about disciplining children. Many lessons I learned from my own poor choices as a father. Others I observed in the practices of other parents. I have also heard a number of true stories about how parents deal with their children. Some of those accounts are delightful, while others are real horror stories. For what it is worth, I recently jotted down a list of principles for parents to consider when it becomes necessary to discipline their children. The order in which I have listed them is irrelevant.
- Give oodles of positive reinforcement for things well done. Verbal pats on the back can help a child develop positive self-esteem. Use phrases like “Good for you,” “Way to go,” “Great job,” “You make us happy,” “We love you,” or “You’re such a good ____.” It seems that some children hear only negative things from their parents, like “No” and “Quit it.” Those words definitely have a place, but children need to hear positive things, too.
- Make the punishment equal to/fair for the misbehavior. If a teenage boy purposely hits his little sister in the face with his fist, he should be punished more severely. If he arrives home one minute past his curfew, a gentle warning is probably enough.
- Watch your tone of voice. Excessively raising our voice or using stinging sarcasm can cause our children to resent us.
- Express disappointment when a child has misbehaved, but never refer to him/her using such terms as stupid, dumb, moron, or idiot.
- Set your rules/boundaries of behavior, and then back them up! As soon as you do not enforce a rule that you have set, you immediately have the reputation of being a non-enforcer. Your words have no authority, and that spells big trouble.
- Pray with your children. Pray for them. Pray for them in their presence. If you are willing to tell God how much you care about them and their lives, then let them know that you really do care for them. That’s important.
