“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” —Proverbs 22:6
Children come from the womb with a prescribed set of genetic characteristics. Their environment—siblings, order in the family, financial level of family, culture—further bend them in certain ways. Solomon is saying we should train each child in the way he (note that he is used thrice in the verse) should go, recognizing that each is an individual and will react to training in different ways. Some children are strong-willed and determined—and require more stern and persistent discipline. Some are weak-willed and easily influenced by others—a simple disapproving look or correcting word may bring them to tears. Some are aggressive; others are cooperative. Some are tight-lipped and serious by nature; others are naturally humorous and happy-go-lucky. Parents learn to match their training and discipline to the child for best results.
- Cain and Abel came from the same womb, had the same upbringing, but they turned out quite different (Gen. 4). Cain was a farmer; Abel was a shepherd. Abel’s heart was sensitive to obey God’s will; Cain was self-willed and determined to go his own way.
- Esau and Jacob came from the same womb at the same time (they were twins), yet two boys could not have been more different. Esau turned out to be a “man’s man”—a rugged, hairy hunter. He was his dad’s favorite. Jacob was a “momma’s boy.” He liked to stay inside and cook. Esau was an uncomplicated, here-it-is-in-black-andwhite-what-you-see-is-what-you-get fellow. Jacob was more cunning and crafty. He came out of the womb gripping his brother’s heel—as if to trip him up. And throughout life, you had to watch yourself around him.
- How about your family of origin? Did you and your brothers and sisters all have the same interests, abilities, goals, and personality types? Did you all make the same grades or excel equally well in sports or musical pursuits? Most parents with more than one child will agree that their children can be as different as “daylight and dark.”
Unthinking, unwise, busy parents—dads especially—tend to compare their children with each other. (Especially if this was the way they were reared.) If the oldest son is a good athlete, for instance, but the younger one is more academically-oriented, dad might push him to sign up for sports. When he doesn’t practice hard or do well in games, the exasperated father may say, “Why can’t you be like your brother?“
Matthew Henry’s comment on Proverbs 20:11 (“Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right”) is interesting. He wrote, “Parents should observe their children, that they may manage them accordingly.” Each parent must observe a child to know him. It is not as natural as conceiving, carrying, and giving birth to a little one.
Solomon is not saying they could never fall away if given good training. As a general rule, this is true, but there are exceptions. This verse is not just referring to the goal of bringing a child into a right relationship with God. It is speaking of helping a child have a well-rounded life in general- It refers to the makeup of a child—his unique characteristics and mannerisms, which Scripture calls his way.” This word (dereck) is used in Psalm 11 for the “bending” of a bow and is found four times in Proverbs 30:18-19. An eagle, for example, does not fly as a duck or a chicken. It is more coordinated and beautiful. The eagle has unique mannerisms. A snake does not get around as a lizard, its slithery, silent movements along a rock are beautiful to watch—from a distance! A ship riding out the waves of a storm is wonderful to see. But it doesn’t move along the water as a piece of driftwood. The way a young man wins a woman’s heart is unique. What works with one, would not work with another,
1”Old” in Proverbs 22:6 actually means “old enough to have facial hair.” In other words, when they reach adulthood, not when they reach middle age or toward the end of life.
