Topic(s): Humor

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, “Wake up, wake up!”

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna casserole I made to-night.”

“That’ll teach them!” I replied.

Wife Humor

Topic(s): Humor

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

“He that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” —Proverbs 15:15

Short but Sweet

Topic(s): Love, Marriage

If you had only five minutes to talk to your mate, what would you say? Too often we take each other for granted and assume our spouse will always be there. We go through our busy days leaving much unsaid.

Take a few minutes and write down what you would say to your mate if you had only five minutes. Put your list in the form of a letter or poem and place it under a pillow, or mail it to your mate. Or keep your list and give your mate one honest compliment each day for the next few weeks. —Marriage Partnership (Winter 2006) “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due . . .” —Proverbs 3:27

Are Children Really to Blame?

Topic(s): Children, Youth

We read in the paper, we hear on the air,
Of killing and stealing and crime everywhere;
We sigh and we say, as we notice the trend:
“This young generation . . . where will it end?”
But can we be sure it’s their fault, alone?

Too much money to spend; too much idle time;
Too many movies of passion and crime;
Too many books not fit to be read;
Too much evil in what they hear said;
Too many kids encouraged to roam;
Too many parents who don’t stay at home.

Youth don’t make the movies;
They don’t write the books that paint
The pictures of gangsters and crooks.
They don’t make the liquor, they don’t run the bars,
And they don’t make the cars;
They don’t make the drugs that addle the brain:
It’s all done by older folks, greedy for gain.
In how many cases we find that it’s true . . .
The label, “Delinquency,” fits older folks, too. —Mrs. E. B. Grant

What Is a Grandparent? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Topic(s): Humor

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.
• Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run.
• When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They don't say, “Hurry up.”
• Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
• They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out.
• Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
• They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.
• A 6-year-old was asked where his grandmother lived. “Oh,” he said, “She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.” —From the Internet