Topic(s): Humor

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy “playing wedding.” The wedding vows went like this: “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.” —Proverbs 18:22

A Father Who Won't Affirm

Topic(s): Father

Garrison Keillor writes: The town ball club was the Lake Wobegon Schroeders, so named because the starting nine were brothers, sons of E. J. Schroeder. E. J. was not pleased if a boy hit a bad pitch. He’d spit and curse and rail at him. And if a son hit a home run, E. J. would say, “Blind man coulda hit that one. Your gramma coulda put the wood on that one. If a guy couldn’t hit that one out, there’d be something wrong with him, I’d say. Wind practically took that one out of here, didn’t even need to hit it much”—and lean over and spit.

So his sons could never please him, and if they did, he forgot about it. Once, against Freeport, his oldest boy, Edwin Jim, Jr., ran to the center field fence for a long, long, long fly ball. He threw his glove forty feet in the air to snag the ball and caught the ball and glove.

When he turned toward the dugout to see if his dad had seen it, E. J. was on his feet clapping, but when he saw the boy look to him, he immediately pretended he was swatting mosquitoes. The batter was called out, the third out.

Jim ran back to the bench and stood by his dad. E. J. sat chewing in silence and finally said, “I saw a man in Superior, Wisconsin, do that a long time ago. But he did it at night, and the ball was hit a lot harder.” —Garrison Keillor, We Are Still Married (Penguin, 1990)

“Comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” —1 Thessalonians 5:11

Improving Your Credit Score

Topic(s): Wisdom

A spiritual person pays attention to material concerns (Proverbs 10:4).

Do you and your spouse need to borrow money for home improvements? Do you need a credit card with a low APR? A good FICO (credit score) is imperative to secure loans, a low interest rate, and in some cases even reasonable car insurance premiums. Here are a few basic tips to improve your FICO score:

Pay on time. Pay the minimum required as soon as you get the bill, or set up an automatic payment through your bank.

Pay more. Even if you send only $5 more than your minimum payment, you’re still technically paying down your debt—which will be reflected on your credit history.

Lower your debt ratio. The total amount of debt on credit cards and revolving accounts divided by the total amount of credit available to you results in a fraction of less than one—your debt ratio. The lower the fraction the better. For instance, owing $5,000 on a $15,000 account puts you in better shape than to owe the same amount on a $10,000 account.

Take time. The longer you’ve had a card, the higher your credit limit (which helps your debt ratio). That provides a solid credit history. So if you need to cancel a credit card, hang onto the one you’ve had the longest with the highest limit.

Limit inquiries. Each time a potential lender inquires into your credit history, your FICO score takes a hit. To creditors it may indicate financial difficulties or that you’re taking on more debt than you can pay back. —Author Unknown

“He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.” —Proverbs 10:4

Four Ways to Rekindle Intimacy

Topic(s): Marriage

1. Don’t just tell your mate you love her. Tell her why you love her. She knows you love her; she craves to know why. Adding “because” at the end of “I love you” increases intimacy in your marriage. “I love you because you’re so unselfish.”
2. Reintroduce the element of surprise. Identify patterns and break routines. Become unpredictable. Celebrate anything and everything. Buy the unexpected present. Take an unplanned trip.
3. Strive to out-please each other. Out-pleasing each other means putting the other’s happiness first—especially in the mundane moments of life. When he washes the dishes, respond by keeping the kids out of his hair while he watches the game. But . . .
4. Don’t keep score. Marriage breaks down when you constantly compare your sacrifices to your mate’s. Concentrate on your giving and you will become one. —Jim Magruder

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind . . . doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” —1 Corinthians 13:4–5

How Adam Had It Easy

Topic(s): Humor

1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.
2. He had no in-laws to drop in.
3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.
4. There were no credit cards or shopping centers.
5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.
6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.
7. He never had to shovel snow!
8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn’t normal?
9. There was no “standard weight and height” tables—and the word fat meant good.

“A merry heart doeth good.” —Proverbs 17:22

• A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.