Topic(s): Humor

John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words and playing soft music.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d seriously injured the parrot, John quickly opened the door, and the parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched finger. He said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

“But now ye also put off . . . blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth . . .” —Colossians 3:8
 

Some Good Family News

Topic(s): Children, Family

• Nine out of ten children ages 9-11 describe themselves as happy (92%) and friendly (91%), and 80% believe they are smart.
• 51% of teenagers say they get along with their parents “very well” and 46% say “fairly well.”

Parental love perceives children not as problems but as possibilities.

“Think on good things . . .” —Philippians 4:8

And Worth Every Penny

Topic(s): Children

Children are worth their weight in gold—that is, when you add up all the costs. Use this calculator to figure out Junior’s bottom line.

• Child care: (0-11) $4,300
• Groceries: (0-18) $1,525
• Clothing: (0-18) $606
• Gift giving: (0-18) $330
• Bigger home: (0-18) $2,900
• Bigger car: (5-18) $1,250
• Education: (5-18) $600
• Recreation: (0-18) $330
• Additional insurance: (0-18) $300
• Health care: (0-18) $300
• Miscellaneous: (0-18) $330

Total amount needed to raise a child: 0-4: $13,891/yr; 5-11: $12,771/yr; and 12-18: $8,471/yr. Total for 18 years $190,528.

“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate” —Psalm 127:3-5

What Mothers Do

Topic(s): Mother

She carried me under her heart, loved me before I was born.
She took God’s hand and walked through the “valley of the shadows” that I might live.
She bathed me when I was helpless, clothed me when I was naked, fed me when I was hungry, rocked me to sleep when I was weary, and sang to me as the voice of an angel.
She held my hand till I learned to walk, suffered with my sorrow, laughed with my joy,
Glowed with my triumph, and while I knelt at her side, she taught my lips to pray.
She was a loyal friend when all others failed.
Through all the days of my youth, she gave me strength for my weaknesses, courage for my despair, and hope for my hopeless heart.
She prayed for me whether life was flooded with sunshine or saddened by shadows.
I can never repay the debt I owe to my mother.

“Honour thy father and mother . . .” —Ephesians 6:2

Mother is Still Watching

Topic(s): Mother

She always leaned to watch for us, anxious if we were late,
In winter by the window, in summer by the gate.
And though we mocked her tenderly, who had such foolish care,
The long way home was always more safe because she waited there.
Her thoughts were all so full of us, she never could forget!
And so I think that where she is, she must be waiting yet.
Waiting until we come home to her, anxious if we are late.
Watching from Heaven’s window, leaning on Heaven’s gate.
                                                                            —Margaret Widdomer

Guard Their Minds

Topic(s): Children, Family

Children see one to two thousand television ads for alcohol each year. It costs about $600,000 for one 30-second beer ad. Are they effective? A survey reported in Harper’s Magazine noted that 10-year-olds could name more brands of beer than names of American presidents. During prime-time television, two-thirds of programs contain portrayals of drinking or verbal references to it. Young people will see over a million drinking scenes by age 18—scenes in which the negative effects of drinking are rarely shown. Teens in one large-scale survey overwhelmingly responded that while they were aware that advertising makes drinking look better than it is, it still influenced them to drink more.

“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices” —2 Corinthians 2:11