Topic(s): Humor

Astronaut: “Nearer My God, To Thee”
Baker: “I Need Thee Every Hour”
Barber: “A Parting Hymn We Sing”
Baseball Batter: “Seek Thee First”
Builder: “How Firm A Foundation”
Carpenter: “The Nail Scarred Hand”
Civil Engineer: “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross”
Dentist: “Crown Him With Many Crowns”
Electrician: “Send The Light”
Fisherman: “Shall We Gather At The River?”
Golfer: “There Is A Green Hill Far Away”
Historian: “Tell Me The Old, Old Story”
IRS: “All To Thee (I Owe)”
Librarian: “We’ve A Story To Tell”
Lifeguard: “Come To The Water”
Mathematician: “10,000 Times, 10,000 Times”
Medical Technician: “Revive Us Again”
Mountain Climber: “The Rock That Is Higher Than I”
Obstetrician: “He Is Able To Deliver Thee”
Optometrist: “Open Mine Eyes That I Might See”
Philosopher: “I Am Thinking Today”
Politician: “Standing On The Promises”
Real Estate Agent: “I’ve Got A Mansion”
Steeple Builder: “Lift High The Cross”
Stonecutter: “Rock Of Ages”
Switchboard Operator: “A Call Comes Ringing”
Trucker: “On The Highways And Byways Of Life”
Voice Teacher: “Sing Them Over Again To Me”
Watchmaker: “Take Time To Be Holy”
Watchman: “Silent Night”
Weatherman: “There Shall Be Showers Of Blessings”

BIG Payday!

Topic(s): Humor

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

“Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad” —Proverbs 17:22

The Crooked Smile

Topic(s):  Christian Life

As we rolled five-year-old Mary into the MRI room, I tried to imagine what she must be feeling. She had suffered a stroke that left half of her body paralyzed, had been hospitalized for treatment of a brain tumor, and had recently lost her father, her mother, and her home. We all wondered how Mary would react.

She went into the MRI machine without the slightest protest, and we began the exam. At that time, each imagining sequence required the patient to remain perfectly still for about five minutes. This would have been difficult for anyone—and certainly for a five-year-old who had suffered so much. We were taking an image of her head, so any movement of her face, including talking, would result in image distortion.

About two minutes into the first sequence, we noticed on the video monitor that Mary’s mouth was moving. We heard a muted voice over the intercom. We halted the exam and gently reminded Mary not to talk. She was smiling and promised not to talk.

We reset the machine and started over. Once again we saw her facial movement and heard her voice faintly. What she was saying wasn’t clear. Everyone was becoming a little impatient; a busy schedule that had been put on hold to perform an emergency MRI on Mary.

We went back in and slid Mary out of the machine. Once again, she looked at us with her crooked smile and wasn’t upset in the least. The technologist, perhaps a bit gruffly, said, “Mary, you were talking again, and that causes blurry pictures.” Mary’s smile remained as she replied, “I wasn’t talking. I was singing. You said no talking.” We looked at each other, feeling a little silly.
“What were you singing?” someone asked. “Jesus Loves Me,” came the barely perceptible reply. “I always sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ when I’m happy.”
Everyone in the room was speechless. Happy? How could this little girl be happy? The technologist and I had to leave the room for a moment to regain our composure as tears began to fall.

Many times since that day, when feeling stressed, unhappy, or dissatisfied with some part of my life, I have thought of Mary and felt both humbled and inspired. Her example made me see that happiness is a marvelous gift—free to anyone willing to accept it.

“Rejoice evermore.” —1 Thessalonians 5:16

No Time Today

Topic(s): Christian Life

I haven’t time today, dear Lord, tomorrow I’ll give to Thee.
So many things, so much to do, today I must work for me.
I know I promised this day, Lord, but something has changed my plans.
The car needs washing, the yard’s a mess, and I need to see a man.

So sorry, dear Lord, had a call just now, some relatives in town you see,
Tomorrow I’ll make it up to you, Tomorrow, I’ll give to thee.
Tomorrow—it never seems to come,
The work of the Lord is left undone.
If troubles should come to us today,
Suppose the Lord turned this face away.

He might ignore our earnest plea
With words familiar in our ears could ring,
“Today I’m so busy with other things,
Tomorrow, dear one, I might listen to thee.”
—Frances Johnson

“Redeeming the time...” —Ephesians 5:16