Topic(s): Bible Study, Humor

Below is a compilation of actual student bloopers collected by
teachers from eighth grade through college.

• Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the
  Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
• The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”
• Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
• Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
• It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

“A merry heart doeth good...” --Proverbs 17:22
 

It’s What You Do—Not When You Do It

Topic(s): Christian Life, Nature of Man

• Ted Williams, at age 42, slammed a home run in his last official time at bat.
  Mickey Mantle, age 20, hit 23 home runs his first full year in the major leagues.
• Golda Meir was 71 when she became Prime Minister of Israel. William Pitt, II, was 24 when he became Prime Minister of Great Britain.
• George Bernard Shaw was 94 when one of his plays was first produced. Mozart was just seven when his first composition was published.
• Benjamin Franklin was a newspaper columnist at 16, and a framer of The United States Constitution when he was 81. You’re never too young or too old to serve God. Jesus just said, “Come and follow me” (Mt. 19:21).

“I have been young, and now am old...” —Psalm 37:25

John’s Seven Signs

Topic(s): Christian Life, Encouragement

The Book of John focuses on seven of Jesus’ miracles, and a careful study of each can provide us with principles of encouragement.

• Disappointments? Remember when Jesus addressed an embarrassing moment, turning the water into wine (Jn. 2:1-11)? He is still the One we can turn to when life turns on us. With Paul we say, “The Lord stood by me and strengthened me” (2 Tim. 4:16, 17)!
• Doubts? Remember when He healed a boy and told his daddy to return home, only for the father to go without question (Jn. 4:46-54)? He is still the one in whom we place our faith and our dreams, “Christ... the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27)!
• Disabilities? Remember when He healed a thirty-eight year old invalid (Jn.
  5:2-9)? Via His loving providence, we can still “be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might” (Eph. 6:10; cf. Phil. 4:13)!
• Desires? Remember when He fed five thousand with a sack lunch (Jn. 6:1-14)? He still meets the desires of those who cry, “For me to live is Christ” (Phil. 1:21)!
• Despair? Remember when He reached out for Peter (Jn. 6:16-21)? Aren’t we thankful that His hand extends to us with the promise: “I will in no wise fail thee, neither will I in any wise forsake thee” (cf. Heb. 13:5, 6)?!
• Darkness? Remember when He gave sight to a blind man (Jn. 9:1-11)? But wait! To man stumbling in the wretched darkness of Satan, He is still “the light of the world” (John 8:12)!
• Death? Remember when He stood outside the tomb of a friend, cried and said, “Lazarus, come forth” (Jn. 11:1-44)? Better still, there will come a day “in which all that are in the tombs shall hear his voice, and shall come forth” (Jn. 5:28, 29)!

He is “Jesus” [literally, “he who saves”], a man of miracles. But, even more, as
one who touches our own lives in so many marvelous ways, we are blessed to call Him, “My Lord and My God” (John 20:28)! —Dan Winkler, Nashville, TN

A Week of Good Thoughts

Topic(s): Christian Life, Time

Suppose we start this very day To live our lives in a different way;
Suppose we vowed and constantly tried To help those in trouble on life’s wayside; If we showed by our deeds a hint of His love Wouldn’t earth be a bit more like heaven above?
ON MONDAY: Look for a smile today and return it with one of your own.
Give someone faith and hope, it’s such a beautiful loan.
ON TUESDAY: Gather a thought that’s kind, one that’s sincere and deep.
Be sure to pass it along for such are too precious to keep.
ON WEDNESDAY: Forget yesterday’s sorrows, mistakes, sadness, and pain.
Lift your heart with hope as flowers to sun and rain.
ON THURSDAY: Offer a word of comfort and prayer to help someone in need.
A little thoughtful gift, some flowers, or a smile makes us all rich indeed.
ON FRIDAY: You shall not pass this way again, so do any good you can do.
Don’t put it off till tomorrow or the chance may be lost for you.
ON SATURDAY: Today will soon be a memory so don’t let it come to an end,
without a smile, without a song, or just a word from a friend.
ON SUNDAY: Don’t let worry and care depress you, or brush your joy away.
But arise and give thanks to God above, for His love and another “Blest Day.”

“...let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his
own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Phil 2:3, 4).